I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
