I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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