we're blogging at a bar
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
