I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
