I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
When did angry sex become our thing?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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