She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
