Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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