I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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