Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
