she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
