It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
