sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
