Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
