Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
