Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
