you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
