On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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