Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Holy shit dude........stairs
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
