when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize