Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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