So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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