i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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