I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
