you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
its not stalking. its research.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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