It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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