U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
