whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
