i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
