I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
