Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
