I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
