I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
