But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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