i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
