Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You need Xanax blowdarts
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
