just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
