i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
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I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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