Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
