she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
