i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
