I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
