I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
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He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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