I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
