So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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