Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
