Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
