we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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