I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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