He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
