some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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