Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
