And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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