you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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