I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
