so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
