I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
