Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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