I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
