I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
