It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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