You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
