Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
