areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
