college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
