I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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