You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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