Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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