he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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