I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
