She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
