Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
