Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
