Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I am one with the molecules
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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