I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize