All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
