Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
