my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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