Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
