Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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