Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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