He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
